Drabble of the Military
by nukagirl
Summary: Just some short stories about the Military, and what Mustang and his men get up to in their free time. Includes farts, mistletoe, dogs and alcohol. More to come :
1. Fart Flame

Hi all

**Hi all! I have seen many little stories about Ed and Al when they were little, and other such things, but I haven't seen many stories about my favourite team, Mustang's team at the Military, so I thought I'll make some. Hope you like, and if you get any ideas, please tell me. Thanks, Nuk. **

Fart Flame

The office was quiet.

Too quiet for the five men's liking. It was normally busy, and loud, with each of them rushing around, trying to figure out their latest case. There was normally the rustling of paper, the scribbling of pens, the newest information being exchanged. Roy Mustang was normally shouting for coffee, and Riza Hawkeye's gun going off in an attempt to regain order.

The only woman of the team didn't mind the unusual quiet and was quietly cleaning her gun, with her dog, Black Hayate, asleep at her feet. The reason for the silence was that they had no case to solve. With one out of the way, Mustang's team was yet to receive another one.

Each of the men were trying to find a way to entertain their selves. Kain Fuery was folding paper up into animals. A swan, a bear and a horse was sitting around him and in his hands was a half finished owl. Heymans Breda was trying to balance his pen on the desk, but was unsuccessful. It kept falling over. Vato Falman was looking up at the ceiling, as if he was counting the burnt marks left there by Mustang. Mustang, himself, was slowly snapping his figures. A flame kept appearing and disappearing, like a lighter. Jean Havoc was holding his stomach, his face red as he was trying to keep something in. However, he couldn't hold it any longer and a loud fart echoed around the room.

"Havoc!" Mustang complained, narrowing his eyes and looking over to the smoker. Fuery, Breda and Falman started to laugh. Hawkeye looked at Havoc in disgust, and held her nose.

"Sorry, Sir, I had baked beans for breakfast" Havoc explained, a smile threatening to form on his face, "You know what they say about baked beans, good for your heart, but the more you eat them, the more you fart"

"Yes, but can you at least leave the room?" Hawkeye asked. The five men started to laugh at their female comrade's face, it was so serious. Before anyone could reply, a loud farting nose sounded again.

"2nd Lt. Havoc!" Hawkeye cried out, while all the men doubled over in laughter, "That is disgusting!" Seeing the look in Hawkeye's eyes and the gun in her hand, the five men soon quieted down. Everything went quiet again and Mustang went back to snapping his fingers. Fuery watched him for a minuet, before his eyes lit up and he began to chuckle.

"What is it, Fuery?" Mustang asked, thinking the youngest member of his team was laughing at him.

"I've just remembered something the boys use to do at my old school" Fury said.

"Well, what is it?" Breda asked. Fuery briefly looked at Hawkeye before continuing.

"They would get a lighter and fart on it, and the fire…would…will…" Fuery said, thinking of the best way to explain it, "…act like it normally does when exposed to gas" Hawkeye rolled her eyes, and sighed. The four other men looked at Fuery, who turned slightly red.

"Does it actual work?" Falman asked, which Fuery replied with a nod.

"Have you still got gas left in you, Havoc?" Mustang asked, turning to his farting subordinate.

"Yeh, I think so" Havoc replied.

"You can't be serious, Colonel, this is what immature teenagers do to waste time" Hawkeye said, standing up.

"I am an Alchemist, Lt. Hawkeye," Mustang replied, "We act on science, and if I was to fully understand the science of fire, I must experiment" he stood up, and smiled. Havoc did the same.

"You're calling this science!?" Hawkeye nearly yelled, as Mustang lowered his hand to Havoc's backside. Havoc screwed his face up, and farted just as Mustang snapped his fingers. The fire expanded with the fart, like a mini explosion. Havoc jumped forward, holding his rear end, where the fire had flicked him. He laughed, his cigarette hanging out his mouth. Breda, Falman and Fuery were doubled over in laughter, and even their Colonel was smiling, clearly amused.

"Men" Hawkeye sighed, leaving the room.

"Let's do it again!" she heard Havoc say, as she closed the door.

"Yeh, see how big the fire gets!" Breda said. Another fart was heard, and the men all 'wowed' in wonder.

Hawkeye silently betted that there was going to be severely more burn marks on the ceiling for Falman to count when she got back.

**There, the first one finished. I am calling this 'Drabble of the Military' and will update more as I go along, so keep an eye out. **

**This is pretty stupid, I know, but I hang out with a lot of boys, most of which found farting amusing. And I show a film the other day that had this in it, and I thought about Mustang and his men for some strange reason.**

**Please review, flames welcome, but nothing too harsh. Nuk xxx **


	2. Valetines day

Valentines Day, what a horrible holiday, Riza Hawkeye sighed as she walked towards the office she worked in

Valentines Day, what a horrible holiday, Riza Hawkeye sighed as she walked towards the office she worked in. Even the military was decorated with pink heart and roses.

Several men called out to her,

"Happy Valentines, Lt Hawkeye" as she walked past. Hawkeye had made sure to carry two guns today as she knew the men of her office would be distracted all day, talking about their dates and what not. They would need reminding that they were still at work, despite the day.

Hawkeye arrived at her office, and was surprised to found it actual quiet. Fuery, Havoc, Falman and Breda were sitting at their desks, working. Hawkeye raised an eyebrow. Something was defiantly wrong. Roy Mustang was also sitting at his desk, 20 or so cards surrounding him. He was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Hawkeye walked to her desk, and looked into her 'in' box. She was taken for surprise again when she found six envelops, all addressed with her name on.

"Do you know what these are?" she asked the room, holding up the envelops. Fuery and Falman blushed and didn't reply. Breda carried on with his work, not looking up and Havoc and Mustang grinned.

"Well, seeing as it's Valentines day, I'm guessing they're from your secret admirers" Mustang informed her. Hawkeye raised another eyebrow.

"The Elric brothers have probably sent you your yearly card" Breda told her. This caused Mustang to sit up straight.

"What's this?" he asked, a grin already forming on his face. Hawkeye recognised Alphonse Elric's handwriting and began to open it.

"Every year, Hawkeye gets a Valentines card from Ed and Al" Fuery told his Colonel. A wicked grin was on Mustang's face.

"Really? What juicy gossip to tease Fullmetal with" he laughed."Don't brother, sir" Hawkeye said, putting the card, which had a cat on it, down on the table, "They send one to all the woman that have helped them, me, Marie Ross, Sheska, even Gracia Huges, it's their way of saying thank you" Hawkeye informed him, beginning to open her other cards.

One had a cute dog on it, holding a love heart in his mouth. Another one had chess pieces in the shape of a heart. Two other were pink with love hearts and roses on them. The last one was pink card with a love heart brunt out of it. Hawkeye had seen many other cards like that in the hands of several other female officers around the headquarters.

None of them were sighed, but Hawkeye know all of her workmates' handwriting. A smile reached her lips as she place each one down. The men in the room were looking at her, eagerly.

"I just need to get something" Hawkeye told them, before leaving.

Half an hour later, Hawkeye entered the room again, carrying a brown shopping bag. She left it on her desk before starting her work. Havoc and Mustang began a conversation about the girls they dating that evening, in order to stop the silence of the room.

Lunch time found the office empty, part from the only female of the small room. She got out the brown bag and quietly unpacked it.

She laid a small pink cake on each of her workmates' desk. All of them had a pink love heart iced on top of it, with the words 'Happy Valentines day' on it.

Hawkeye smiled, sitting back at her desk.

Maybe Valentines wasn't such a bad holiday after all.

**Please review, and more will come. Flames welcome, but nothing too harsh **


	3. Arm Wrestle

"Why did you even bother, Fuery

"Why did you even bother, Fuery?" Havoc asked, as the young man stood up, rubbing his arm. Breda sat back in his chair, smiling.

"If me and Falman couldn't beat Breda at arm wrestling, what made you think you could?" Havoc asked, his cigarette dangling out of his mouth. Fuery shrugged, looking very dis-hearted.

"Just face it guys, none of you can beat me at chess or arm wrestling" Breda told them, "I'm not just the smartest one in this office, but the strongest as well"

"Oh, is that right?" came a voice from the doorway, it was Colonel Mustang. He had a eyebrow raised at Breda.

"Not even you can beat me at chess, sir" Breda laughed. Mustang thought about that for a moment, before agreeing with the man.

"That may be so, 2nd Lieutenant Breda, but you haven't versed me in a arm wrestling match before" Breda smiled and he lent forward on his desk,

"No time like the present, sir" he grinned. Mustang nodded, also grinning. Before placing himself opposite Breda and putting his elbow on the desk. Breda gasped the Colonel's hand.

"On 3" Breda said, and Havoc took the count down.

"1…2…3" Both the men tightened their grip and pulled to their side. Their fists quivered in the middle for a moment before they slowly moved down on Breda's side. Mustang's looked shocked and he tried with all his strength to get them back up again, but Breda was too strong and their fist slammed down onto the table.

The room groaned. Someone else had been beaten by Breda, and it was the Colonel no less.

"And the title is still mine" Breda smiled, sitting back again. Mustang's mouth fall open as he looked at his lower officer. He turned white, while Havoc patted him on the back.

"It's ok, sir, we all lost as well" he tried to comfort Mustang, but that didn't seem to help.

"Just admit it, I'm the best" Breda grinned. Hawkeye walked into the office then, carrying an armful of paperwork.

"Why aren't you lot working?" she asked, setting the paper down, she then spotted the Colonel, "And what have you done to Colonel Mustang?"

"He is just a bad loser" Falman told her. Hawkeye raised an eyebrow, and looked at Breda, who was still grinning.

"Another arm wrestling match?" she asked. Breda nodded.

"Yeh, they just won't learn" he told her. Falman and Havoc glared at him, but then looked at Hawkeye with surprise as she sat opposite him and put her elbow on the table. Mustang came out of his trance and a massive grin came over his face.

"You've got to be kidding" Breda laughed, but stopped as a gun was put against his head.

No, Hawkeye wasn't kidding.

"You say you're the strongest in the office, yet you haven't ever had an arm wrestle with me" Hawkeye said. Breda quickly thought this through.

Hawkeye was defiantly the best in the room with a weapon, but that didn't mean she was the strongest, right?

"You're on!" Breda grinned, placing his hand with Hawkeye's. She had a strong grip, but Breda just tightened his.

"1…2…3!" Havoc said, his eyes lighting up in excitement. At first, nothing seem to happen, and their hands stayed where they were, but the other men in the room realised that both Breda and Hawkeye was trying with all their strength to get the other hand down.

"Come one, Hawkeye!" Havoc, Fuery and Falman cheered. Breda's eyes widen as he realised that Hawkeye was winning. Their fists were slowly moving down her side. He tired desperately to turn it the other way round, and sweat began to drip off his forehead in the effect. The men cheering didn't help matters.

SLAM!

Their fists slammed down onto the desk with great force, as Hawkeye won.

"Who's the best now?" Hawkeye asked, smiling only slightly. The four other men in the room cheered loudly, as Breda looked up at the woman that had just beaten him.

"Yay! Go Hawkeye!" they cheered, but was stopped as a gun shoot went off.

"Back to work" Hawkeye yelled, which of course, all the men obeyed.

**Third one up then. Please review, flames welcome, but nothing too harsh. **


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